I don’t want to cry anymore. My tears, my children’s tears, my parents’ tears, and those who have loved me for the past 5 years are too many.
Yesterday, you called me, your voice was slurred, it seemed like you were drunk. It has been 5 long years since you left me and my mother, but now when I hear your voice, I still can’t hold back my tears. As if the pain is still there and has never lessened over the years, as if all those years of tears are still not enough…
You said you wanted to come back, you wanted to be a husband and a father again in your small house of 5 people. But honey, do you remember the day you forced me to sign the divorce papers so you could follow your lover? Do you remember how I begged you to stay, enduring all your harsh words and harsh slaps? Do you remember the day you went to court, how my child and I cried our eyes out? Do you remember when you packed up and left, my child hugged my legs and cried, asking me to stay? Or at that time, did you just think about being free to go to the love you considered true in life?
The days when you and your child were helpless, not knowing how to continue living, I could only take you here and there to travel. When you were severely depressed and had to be treated for several months, and your three children had to drop out of school to return to your maternal home and be taken care of by your aunts, I was still busy buying luxurious clothes for you. For years, in the morning I had to play the role of a father, working hard for my children, and at night I was a mother, holding my children in my arms to teach and comfort them. As for you, in the past 5 years, haven’t you lived in a big, luxurious house with your lover, and have you ever sent a message to ask about your children, or listened to your parents and come to find them even once?
Dear, I have never blamed your parents for not stopping you. I only blame our relationship for being so exhausted. Those days, I believe that until the end of our lives, we will never forget them. That is why every time I see you, every time I hear your voice, my tears fall endlessly. It is not because I still love a traitor like you, but because every time I see you, I remember how terrible those days I went through…
And yet now you want to come back after you coldly left? Is it because your lover couldn’t have a child, or because your parents never accepted this? Or is it because the little bit of conscience left in you suddenly rose after 5 long years of decay? Why do you want to come back, want to take my child away with the excuse of wanting to shoulder the burden with me?
You said you wanted to make it up to me and my child, so what do you want? Money? The day I didn’t have a penny when my youngest child was not even a year old and had to go to the emergency room, where were you? When my older child went to first grade and didn’t have money to pay tuition, do you know? At that time my child and I needed you, where were you? You were happily with your lover! So now, when my child and I have a full life, we don’t need you anymore.
Or do you want to make up for the love you have for me and my child? The day I loved you the most, was the day you cruelly left, there was nothing left in my heart. The day my child needed her father’s love the most, you had the heart to throw her away, then she would no longer need you for the rest of her life.
I don’t want to cry anymore. My tears, my child’s tears, my parents’ tears, and those who have loved me for the past 5 years have been too many. My child and I don’t have the strength and don’t want to suffer any more pain. So, please let me and my child have a peaceful life. Please don’t appear again. Don’t think about me when you’re drunk, and don’t regret anything anymore. It’s too late, my dear, this whole life can’t be saved anymore.
Dear, my life with my children is very good now. Every day, when I wake up in the morning, my children compete to kiss me, and when I come back in the afternoon, they chirp and compete to tell me about their day. For me, every day is a happy day. I don’t suffer, and I don’t have to cry for anyone anymore. Therefore, I don’t need you to shoulder anything with me. If you still have a conscience, if you still think about my children, please don’t touch this simple happiness that has to be paid for with so many tears and pain, okay?